Debating Self Esteem

The idea of having an argument with yourself might seem a little strange. Nonetheless, it can be a powerful means of attacking the bad habits that cause low self esteem.

Self esteem is limited by negative habits we pick up and accept over time. However, most of those habits are merely "conveniences," they don't stem from rational thought and are not based in strong logic. Their strength is not found in their reason, but in their status as oft-repeated habit. When those habits are consciously challenged by rationale argument, they often shatter.

We've discussed using positive self affirmation as a means of counteracting and replacing negative thinking. That strategy, over time, will deliver a powerful blow to the bad habits that limit the development of self esteem. However, adding a component of argument to the process can strengthen efforts even more.

Let's look at an example. You open your mail to find that you accidentally forgot to pay a bill on time. Out of habit, you think to yourself, "I never get anything right. I always mess up." That kind of negative thinking is a habit common to most people who have low self esteem problems. You might counter the negative sentiment by commending yourself for something else or briefly acknowledging a positive trait. You might say, for instance, "I am committed to being responsible. My reaction to this oversight shows that I am on the road to being even more responsible." You can then take exception to the negative though.

Answer it. "I don't always mess up. This is the only bill I missed." Your negative voice might have a counterattack. "You still messed this one up." Already, it's on the defensive. Explore it in greater depth. "True, but this is just one oversight and I can correct it immediately." The negative voice may insist on acknowledging the error, but you can continue to hammer away at it. You don't mess up everything. You can fix the errors you make. Repairing the mistake is going to make you feel good. The oversight isn't a disaster. Etc. All of those logical and very true arguments will debilitate your negative voice and will center your thoughts on taking positive actions.

It might seem strange to fight with yourself, but a little bit of argument within your internal dialog can expose negative thinking habits as frauds and can help you to recognize how false the limitations you have imposed on your own personal development really are. That recognition is an empowering step toward developing a much stronger sense of personal worth.